"There he goes, one of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." (Hunter S. Thompson)

Exactly the thoughts that I had as I walked around campus one fine evening. Which prompted to my mind a question... What on Earth are people thinking? I'm sure you have thought the same on several occasions... Where do these "people" come from? Where do they go? What are they doing here? Perhaps an answer, much more sacred than secret, would suffice. But, more or less, the conclusion that I have made compounds to this... the populous is a babbling bunch of idiots... either that or robots. One or the other. Love, kisses... amen.

Stardate: August 26, 2003

Richard Gere from the Mothman prophesy may have experience with small rodents... but that's nothing on this... well... maybe a little bit. This new post will relate my experiences this past weekend. My friend and prior mission companion Thalman is from a little town called Richfield, right, smack-dab in the center of the little town called Utah. It's a little over an hour away from the little town called Provo where I am currently residing. Me and Despain think that it would be fun to go down to Richfield to their 9:00 church meeting and hear him speak. On Saturday evening we were discussing the predicament... of where the church was, how to get there, yada yada yada. We figured that it would be a lot easier to go down the night before and find it, and then just spend the night in the car... instead of risking not finding the place and showing up late to church to the embarasment of all parties involved. Despain wanted to watch the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas before we left. So, we did that... and then around 1:00 we decide to head down. Of course, Despain, being a native Utahan was the navigator... we got off in this little town and searched for a "short cut", unable to find it we got back on the freeway and head the "long way." We saw some deer and other wild animals... As mentioned from my previous post, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is not a good movie to watch when you're awake, let alone going down the highway at 1:00 in the morning. As the bugs hit our windshield, all I could imagine was the shattered dreams of small children smashing against my windshield. Horrible was the sight... horrible the memory. Now let's never speak of it again. We arrived in Richfield without incident, found the church, and got a couple hours of sleep before we rolled out of the car and attended church. Richfield may look and sound like a little town in the middle of nowhere... but it is packed full of attractive, daughters of this fine country. Thalman did a good job on his talk... we went through the range of emotions... there was sadness, joy, love, hate, laughter... he even did an impression of Yoda from the stage. We went to his home later and enjoyed some fine, traditional American cooking... and on the way home we almost took a "short cut" through the state of Colorado. Amen.

Joseph Stalin Today on Blog Talk!

Note: Because of the language barrier we have brought in Linguistics Specialist and California Candidate for Governor Gary Coleman to translate. This diagram indicates how the translation and interview will be held:

Questions:

Blog Talk ------> ------>

Answers:

------> ------> Blog Talk

---

Blog Talk: Thanks a bunch guys for coming today... especially thanks to you Gary for helping us out with the translation here. Afterward we have a bunch of pie that you may help yourselves to, may I recommend the Key Lime one. Now Joseph, the world's been wondering lately... what's the deal with Russia? Or as you knew it the United Socialist Soviet Republic.

Joseph Stalin: Well Matt, to be honest... I think Russia sucks. The Mother country was never ment to be put through this kind of... as you American Pigs call, Capitalist Renovation. Personally I think capitalism sucks, and we can see how well "Russia" is doing with the new systems... I think ideas of uneducated heads far outgrew the birthmark... if you know what I mean.

Blog Talk: I think we know exactly what you mean. So tell us how you and Hitler are doing. I mean... after he attacked you, you must have some hard feelings between you two. Now that you are both dead, and most likely burning in hell... do you find that you can put aside your differences and become... well... maybe not friends... but... learn to tolerate each other?

Stalin: We've actually been getting along great. After talking with each other... we've learned to realize that in life we were both searching, somewhat for the same ideals. Sure we went around it different ways... but I feel we've forgiven each others trespasses.

Blog Talk: I'm sure you've heard about the governors race in Califoria... How do you feel about it? Do you feel that it has become a mockery?

Coleman: What you talkin' 'bout?

Stalin (untranslated): Short, black, TV actor, make good candidate. Arnold is mortal enemy, Austrian. Must destroy. Larry Flint good too.

Blog Talk: Well... is there anything, besides your appearant love of Pornography that you would like to express to all the viewers out there?

Stalin: Socialism is actually a beautiful system of government full of life, and color, and joy. Capitalist pigs like you can never understand the joy of a socialist system. You're to "hip" and "rad" to understand. Someday, however, the iron curtain will fall and the hammer will be your tool, and with the sickle you will harvest your grain. With this pie I will make a new beginning... a fresh start... like the crispy, ever-so-moist, crust of this delicious key-lime pie.

Blog Talk: Thanks for coming on the show... to the audience... feel free to comment below.

Coming Soon!

Some of the World's most Famous People on Blog Talk

Unfortunately, to get them to come on the show we had to offer them several different types of pie...



Come back next post for the interviews!

"When an opponent declares, 'I will not come over to your side, 'I calmly say, 'Your child belongs to us already...What are you? You will pass on. Your decendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing but this new community." (Adolf Hitler, In Politics/Nazism)

Quotes a little disturbing isn't it... So, I wouldn't say that I have the greatest sense of school spirit up here in Provo... actually, you might call me the "anti-spirit," or the "arch-spirit." But I was wondering around campus the other day... bear in mind that it's 2 weeks before school starts and there are 40,000 people running around campus, filling the lines to everything, acting ridiculous, etc. All of them wearing a I.D. card, on a piece of yarn, wrapped around their neck. A mob of crazed, religious, zealots ranting about, causing havoc for innocent victims... you know, the ones that actually live here. What is "Education Week" anyways? And that's when I felt a warm feeling inside of me that I had never before felt... SCHOOL SPIRIT! It left just as suddenly as it came, but it was there long enough to say something to the effect of, "Get the heck off my campus." Just remember, Adolf loves little children, and he loves you too! Love, Kisses, Amen.

"The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive."
(Robert Heinlein, "Job", 1984)

Listening to Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" in a dimly lit basement doesn't feel so bad. Have you ever been in a city where you knew absolutely no one for at least 250 miles? It's not all that bad... I guess... it's just a new opportunity to start again and do whatever I want again. So, I'm the 1st of 4 that is going to be moving into this apartment... kinda sucks because I'm the one who's probably going to end up buying most of the essential items... for example... I already bought a 12 pack of Vanilla Coke, kitchen trash bags, and a large jar of green olives. If I'm not careful I will have everything before they even get here. Isn't Vanilla Coke just divine... perhaps thats why they have, what looks like, a catholic priest talking about it at Vanilla Day Declared in Pomfret when Coca Cola launches Vanilla Coke at "The Bean". What is the world coming to? So what if I like Robert Heinlein? He has some dang good quotes... Sci-Fi isn't that bad... maybe I don't read the latest in Non-fiction... so what if I read about large martians playing "Amazing Grace" on an oversized harp surnamed Lilly. Does that make me a bad person... am I shallow because of it... I've read Voltair, but frankly I'd rather read about the martians than some depressed, french dude "rant and rave" about cannibalism and beastiality and call it the "human condition." Why is it that a lot of classic literature just plain sucks... maybe thats the "human condition..." However, this is a really good quote:

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." (Voltaire)

So I guess 1 good thing has come out of France.

So, my incredible journey is now through. Before my journey I thought it would be appropriate that I would watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. And believe me that didn't help me out. So I'm planning up for this big trip and everything... the plan includes 2 parts: First, I take a nap so that I will be well rested for the trip; and second, I drive to Vegas. Now the trip up there went without any problems. I met with my friend Zach and hung out with him and some of his friends. Went swimming, etc. Unfortunately, Zach had to go to work at 6:30 on Tuesday, so I figured I might as well drive through the desert at night instead of wake up in the morning and then go. So I hung out with him until about 11:30 and then I left his house on my treck to Provo. Bear in mind that I was well stocked for the journey, I had an ice-chest with a 6-pack of 20 oz. Vanilla Cokes. I drove up to strip and figured... heck, I haven't gambled since I've turned 21, I might as well spend a couple $$$. One of Zach's, friends, parents bought me dinner one night so I figured I would use the money from that. It was like 12:00 when I rolled into the MGM Grand Casino. I didn't feel much like talking to anyone so I was just going to play the slots... I tried a couple $.05 slots, but they weren't that fun. Some nice, old lady offered me something to drink... but I declined. I then figured I was much to classy for the $.05 slots, and that I would try the $.25 ones. I thought that was a little better... Unfortunately I left, with Vegas having raped me for $6, and still utterly confused as to was the fuss about slot machines is. So I leave and I begin the trip up. It's about 4 - 5 hours to Provo from Vegas. I finished 50 oz. of vanilla coke in about 2 hours and only had about 40 oz. left. And eventually vanilla coke just starts to taste really nasty... so I would follow all my drinking with these strong cinnamon mints. Unfortunately I had to pee a lot during the trip. One particular stop strikes my attention. I stopped for gas in St. George and went inside to go to the bathroom. The dude working grave-yard is this 20 year-or-so-old dude who is obviosly gay. So I'm talking to him for a little while... At this point all of the caffine that I had been drinking was about to climax on me... so I'm a little wired. I'm talking to this dude about which energy drink I should buy... he's kinda flirting with me, and I'm really tired so I think it's kinda funny. He talks me into buying this drink called "Rock Star," its a 16 oz. energy drink instead of "Red Bull" which is only 8 oz., for the same price. So I start drinking that thing. Unfortunately that hits my body about the same time all the Coke that I've been chugging hits me, so I'm wide awake, ADHD, and going 80 MPH on a deserted high way. And that would have been fine except for the untimely "low" that happens to you after you drink a lot of caffine... I thought I was hellucinating for a second (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas style). Luckily I got over the "low," and was just, plain, ridiculously tired for the next couple hours... every once in a while I would get out and run around the car... blasting the crappy radio stations that they have in the middle of no-where.

And that brings me to my current state... after a 3 hours nap, I'm as good as new... a little more that 7 hours of sleep in the last 48+ hours... unshower for days... and the waterheater here in my new apartment chose this morning to stop functioning... so no water for me today. But I'm alive... I talked to a gay man... and I hellucinated large bats swooping around my car as I drove through the Mojave Desert.

"Has there ever been an instance in history in which the majority has been right?" (Robert Heinlein)

So, I went down to Orange today to hang out with a friend. My ultimate goal was to see all of the "shape" places that exist down there. We successfully went to the Block at Orange and the Circle (in Anaheim, i think). But we missed some Triangle thing down in Newport, which I was very upset about. But overall it was fun. We watched an all time classic movie, "Snatch," went to Freddricks of Hollywood, and ate the latest in raw fish cuisine.

So I'm heading up to Utah soon. I don't even know what I'm supposed to pack except for a good $10 to play in vegas with. Sorry guys... I'm poor. But I'm sure that I will figure it all out and everything.

Oh, I decided to unblock Joe.

" Dagon, chief god of the Philistines. Originally worshiped by Canaanites before Philistine invasion of Canaan, as indicated by place names such as Beth-dagon in Judah (Josh. 15:41), and in Asher (Josh. 19:27). Either a fish god or the god of agriculture, from Dag, "fish," or Dagan, "grain." On a wall of a palace in Babylon he is shown as half fish. That he was god of agriculture is supported by the tribute which priests and diviners bade the rulers to send when the ark was returned to Israel. Five golden mice and five golden emerods (tumors, ASV) were votive offerings expressing gratitude for Dagon's freeing their fields of mice and their bodies of tumors. Saul's head was placed in a temple of Dagon (I Chron. 10:10). Samson destroyed the temple of Dagon in Gaza (Judg. 16:30). "

looks like we're both right.

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked" (Airplane)

So I blocked this guy named "Joe" from commenting... I wouldn't have done it, but frankly it was just getting ridiculous.

Went tonight and sat in the hot tub. Nothing like a nice dip to rekindle my testicular fortitude. Sometimes you need a nice swim like that when your testicular fortitude meter is way down, just to build it back up. We went to Six Flags Magic Mountain yesterday for the 4th time this summer. It was, as the Northern Californians would call, "hella crouded." We went on the ride X and it made me feel like I was giving birth to a 14 Lb watermelon. The women who experienced that ride described a strong desire to gain overian fortitude... they said it was like getting struck in a felopian tube with a sharp, pointy rock... whatever that means. I'm going to be heading up to Provo for school in a little while... a little scared... a little cold... a couple wolves after me.

My friend Lauren was asking why we don't make fun of the Lutherans around here. Unfortunately I think I only know one Lutheran... so I can create a steriotype from her that all Lutheran are hot, skanky, whores... almost the same as Mormons... only we aren't as prone to hammer thesis' on Chapel doors... I'm not really into thesis' anyways. Amen.

"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in cage." Howbeit a big cage...

I will be free soon of my current cage, seeing as I am going to be heading up to "Mormon Country USA," where I will be put into a different cage. But still a change is good. I was talking to one of my buddies who's out in Virginia today, I will probably have the opportunity to go to Athens, Greece in the summer of 2004 and work at the olympics. Get this: 17 bucks an hour and they pay for my flights and my room. And I don't even have to kill anyone for it... not that I wasn't willing to... So I thought that was pretty cool and that I would write about it here in my handy-dandy Blog. I will be studying MIS (Management Information Systems) and hopefully I will have my masters in 3 - 4 years. My over-all goal, after consulting with a few people, is to become Allen Greenspan the most powerful man in the world. From there, through fraud and extortion, I will take over the world. Unfortunately that will probably lead to the untimely demise of any and/or all of you who are now reading this blog which contains my devious plans. But don't you worry, I will create a Utopian society where everything is made completely out of leather... cost efficient, sturd, and besides... my friend Reid looks absolutely great in leather pants.

I guess my new post will be a call to arms. Everyone pick a side and we'll Ji-had like its 1069. It will be great. The Crusades were an interesting part of history... I found myself reading about them recently.

"The idea of the crusade corresponds to a political conception which was realized in Christendom only from the eleventh to the fifteenth century; this supposes a union of all peoples and sovereigns under the direction of the popes. All crusades were announced by preaching. After pronouncing a solemn vow, each warrior received a cross from the hands of the pope or his legates, and was thenceforth considered a soldier of the Church. Crusaders were also granted indulgences and temporal privileges, such as exemption from civil jurisdiction, inviolability of persons or lands, etc."
(http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/04543c.htm)

I don't know if this has any relevance to anything we are talking about here on the blog... I struggle to keep up with everything. But it was definately an interesting read... or I thought so. Seeing the Iraq thing, surely other wars in the future... just goes to show there have always been wars there, are now wars, and will yet be wars. I'm just glad that I'm not a Jew like Billy, because I'm sure when the next one comes around they are going to get it again. Just a repeated pattern.

But man, what the deal with cancer?

I can see that my previous blog has caused a lot of... disturbances within the blog community... I wont hesitate to say that I think it's absolutely hilarious. I'm thinking that the probable cause of the uproar was the red lettering. And perhaps the big picture of John Paul with his arms outspread and the insinuation that God wasn't in Rome... etc... didn't help out matters. But I think mostly it's because the text was in red... color of passion. So to calm things down, I'm going to go to blue... there, doesn't that feel nice... relaxed, and calm. I figured to start a new alliance with our catholic buddies, both foreign and domestic... of course, I wont apoligize for my pope comments and pictures because I esteem them as funny. But let's you and I find a common enemy... say... Baptist. I mean, they don't even have a leg to stand on. Having lived in Viginia for the last couple of years I've seen some pretty amazing things... perhaps it's modern religion, perhaps it's just the South... but there is a lot of corruption and a lot of money that goes into religion these days. The last time I checked there were 83,000 different christian churches and 172 different versions of the english bible. Our friend George who made the comment that our friend Joe, who is studying "religion and philosophy from and over-priced university," was "[not] going to get you far in life" is perhaps a bit off. I believe Joe will graduate and become a leader of, perhaps the 83,001 christian church in America. All he has to do is go to some lower-income community and herd the people in... twist the bible, etc, and tell the people that their problems will go away if they reach into their wallet and give their money to "God." Of course... it wont always be good... someday someone will see him and and one of the deacons wife driving away in a brand new Lexus... he'll have to leave amidst the scorn of Adultry and start over somewhere else... but, all in all, religion is big money.

Oh, "these Mormon kids are pretty f*^%ing stupid" requires some attention. I beg to differ, and any student of religion and philosophy from and over-priced university should know this. Consider it a free lesson from me. Now if you were only refering to the "mormons" on this site and not to "mormons" in general, I'm sorry. Mormons in general are some of the most highly educated, self-sufficient, and notable members of society. They are overly represented in both local and national government and hold positions and have leadership in some of the most renouned international businesses in the world. Look it up in your "over-priced university library." Making a "blanket" statement such as that is not one that a student of philosophy should do. I study currently at a low-priced university, and I can say with confidence that God hates you...
Actually I was just kidding with that one... Well... see ya later.